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Deborah Tainsh's
JOURNALING THROUGH GRIEF WORKSHOP
Give Sorrow Words:
The Grief That Does Not Speak
Whispers The O’er-Fraught Heart
And Bids It Break
– William Shakespeare
Macbeth, Act IV, Scene 3
Writing/Journaling allows:
Concrete awareness and acknowledgment of feelings: anger, fear, grief
Acknowledging such feelings and dealing with them constructively are the first steps to converting the energy to something healthy and positive.
Acknowledgement of loss (not the same as acceptance)
Allows the journey of healing to begin
The creation of a record of your journey to witness changes you’ve experienced.
Even with grief, every day is different. Jot down feelings, activities, etc. daily, weekly, monthly…see trends, see the change, or see “stuck”
A record of remembrance, a validation of existence and love, an inventory/tapestry of life
Our loved ones deserve to be remembered in ways to be shared with others. Writing stories for family members or to inspire others validates the existence of a treasured life and preserves the memories and love that can never be destroyed. As we say at TAPS: Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey.
Sharing our experiences through stories or poems allows others to know they are not alone in what they are going through and validates their and our experiences and existence.
JOURNALING
“Moving negative emotions out of your body through the exercise of writing keeps them from lurking around to cause tension or stress.”
– Kathleen Adams, author Journal to the Self
“Preserving our memories and love through the art of writing is an everlasting gift and tribute to our loved one.” – Deb Tainsh
No Rules: no form or structure. Spelling, grammar, penmanship doesn’t matter, nor writing every day
Scream, whimper, thrash, wail, rage, exult, foam, celebrate
Be funny, snide, introspective, accusatory, sarcastic, cruel, profound, caustic, inspirational, opinionated
Tell the Truth…..
Show life, pain, wins, wounds, growth, transformation, inventory of life
Give yourself permission to play, cry, cuss, celebrate
If using the word “I” puts you too close to the event you’re writing about, try writing in third person (use a fictitious name) to distance yourself. I wrote my original Heart manuscript using fictitious names. Pretend you’re writing someone else’s story.
WAYS TO WRITE
Captured Moments Journal
A frozen morsel of time. Best written with descriptive words describing in detail the sounds, sights, smells, and feelings of a moment in time and space. Good for poetry and prose
Dialogue
An exchange between you and someone else or an emotion. But you play both parts.
Lists
Beautiful things, memories, treasures
Unsent Letters - 3 ‘Cs’
Catharsis, completion, clarity
Express deep emotion, anger, grief. Gain insight.
JOURNALING EXERCISE
Write down the date. (Always)
Write down who you are, where you live.
Write down: I am a SURVIVOR.
Write down your present predominant mood or feeling.
Give this mood/feeling a color.
Write down why you came to TAPS.
Write down why you came to this workshop.
Write down/ tell your loved one something they may be disappointed in you about.
Write down/tell your loved one something they would be proud of you for.
Write down/tell your loved one why this has been so difficult.
Write down something your loved one would say in return.
Close your eyes and think of a good memory.
Open your eyes.
Did you see?
Did you hear?
Did you feel?
Did you smell?
All?
Write it down.
SURVIVOR OR LOVED ONE’S NAME
Place letters beneath one another instead of side by side & write a sentence or word next to each letter that will build a poem
DRAW/DOODLE
POEM
Doesn’t have to rhyme!
Express your deepest emotion
Reflect on a wonderful memory
Celebrate love
Share a character sketch
Outside the Windows
by Deborah Tainsh 3/04
In memory of Sgt. Patrick Tainsh, KIA Baghdad 2/11/04
We watch out the windows, your dad and I,
wanting to see your easy walk towards the house
to wrap your hand around the brass knob.
Instead we see the chaplain’s footprints
we have not been able to scrub from the concrete,
his knuckle prints branded against the door.
Any moment now we will break
through the matrix, reach you,
and pull you back into the kitchen where you’ll
show us the proper way to prepare the scallops.
You chose to trade-in your surf board and snowboard
for what you said was something
that would make a difference.
The last time you spoke with your brother
you said, “Don’t thank me, it’s my job.”
You always told your dad and me, “Don’t Worry.”
You climbed in rank faster than most
to reach sergeant; lead and taught those
drawn to you like apostles.
On top of the TV we keep the photo of you in
helmet and flack jacket with Iraqi children.
You believed them worth the fight.
You mourned their poverty.
Once defiant, later than most, you followed
steps of your father now accepting with
bitter-sweet pride your folded flag,
Cavalry Stetson, silver saber, and bootless spurs.
The Purple Heart, Bronze, and Silver Stars carry
the message we want the world to know about You.
We have been reminded, your dad and I, that
God’s son began his service at age thirty and at thirty-three
sacrificed himself for human kind.
What coincidence…
In our search we know you dwell in sixty-foot
waves from the North Shore to Australia,
the rain and breeze against the lighthouse chimes.
And outside the family room on a branch of the great oak
you dwell in the noble
heart of the hawk
watching through the window our gradual steps
moving beyond the chaplain’s footprints,
his knuckle prints branded against the door.
* * *
Journaling References
Footsteps Through Grief, August 2003
By Alicia Sims Franklin, LCSW & Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D.
www.griefinc.com
Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths To Personal Growth, 1990, Warner Books
Open the door to self understanding by writing, reading, and creating a journal of your life.
By Kathleen Adams, M.A.
The Write Way to Wellness, A Workbook for Healing and Change,
By Kathleen Adams, M.A.
www.journaltherapy.com
The Way of the Journal, A Journal Therapy Workbook for Healing
By Kathleen Adams, M.A.
www.journaltherapy.com
Scribing the Soul, Essays in Journal Therapy
By Kathleen Adams LPC, RPT
www.journaltherapy.com
Giving Sorrow Words, Poems of Strength and Solace
National Association for Poetry Therapy Foundation
Pembroke Pines, Fla
www.poetrytherapy.org
call (866) 844-NAPT
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