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Deborah Tainsh's TAPS Speech
Sunday, May 28, 2006
TAPS 2006 National Memorial Weekend Survivors Seminar
The Impact of TAPS
Each of us here at TAPS this 2006 Memorial Weekend has been placed on a road that given a choice we’d never have taken. This road has left us living in what some of us now refer to as “Our New Norm,” and slowly we are learning to adapt to this, learning to live differently as we try on new ways to attempt and make each new day better. On this road we have reached toward a safe place, TAPS, to connect and validate that we are not alone, that our new personal world is accepted and recognized by others willing to listen, hold our hand, hug us, and share their own similar heartbreak, tears, or joyous memories as we met before this weekend via phones and e-mails.
Dave and I learned of TAPS one year after Patrick’s death in Iraq, and now I realize why one year. We needed to understand how NOT having TAPS in our lives felt versus having it. I believe we needed to really feel this difference in order to be filled with the greatest appreciation and to gain a passion we may never have otherwise had in regards to what TAPS and its families mean to one another across this nation.
Because we experienced that solid difficult, hellish year not having a safe place to share with others, when the time finally arrived, we knew without doubt we had truly received the gift we so needed, one that brought validation to our “New Norm,” led and supported our journey to Remember the love, Share the journey, and Celebrate the Life.
This gave us purpose as bereaved parents to draw closer to each other as husband and wife, gave us purpose to share our journey, and gave us the message of TAPS to take as far and wide as possible.
After choosing to become peer mentors during our first visit to the 2005 TAPS Memorial Weekend, we have become saddened each time we receive a message asking if we will speak with another mom or dad in their darkest hour; but honored to pick up the phone, dial another survivor, and build a new bitter-sweet relationship that bonds and binds as we help another step slowly onto the road of the “New Norm.” A prayer is said before each call and then heart and shoulders offered on behalf of TAPS.
With this we have found our place in the world today as those who have seeped back into their own “Old Norm” within days or weeks after Pat’s memorial service have been replaced in our lives by all of you here at TAPS, our new supporting family.
Dave and I have visited homes and spent weekends with some of our new family, some in this room have visited our home; however, phone calls and e-mails keep us connected. On a bad day there’s always a buddy to depend on, on a joyous day of celebration there’s a friend to share with.
Our “New Norm” is not one we would wish on anyone, but we all know that this “New Norm” for us has added a perception of life and growing new strength, compassion, and understanding of a human experience and understanding certain values like nothing else ever could. For those of you who do not believe this now, I assure you that with time and desire to honor your loved one it will come through being a part of your new family within TAPS that helps you take the slow steps on the new journey into this “New Norm.”
If my crusty old retired USMC Sgt Major husband and father of one biological son and namesake, the rebel southern California surfer who had to be treated with tough love before becoming an outstanding U.S. Army Cavalry Scout, can do it, I know anyone can.
I will leave this thought by Albert Pine as we remember the love and stand proud to honor our loved ones on this Memorial Weekend, and to honor each other: “That which one does only for themselves dies with them, that which ones does for another or their country is and remains immortal.”
I will leave another thought by Deb Tainsh: I believe our children, husbands, parents, and friends expect no less courage and giving from us than that which they have already shown the world.
Sgt. Patrick Tainsh left words for all to remember:
“Remember me for who I used to be and who I am known as now. Until we meet again, my heart, soul, and love are with you. Don’t ever forget that.”
Let us all maintain our loved ones honor, love, and memories together, let’s keep our hands together for them and one another, and never let go of: Remembering the love, Sharing the journey, Celebrating the life.
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